Today I was playing soccer with a group of college guys and there were a few times where I made my opinions known in a rather loud manner. To be honest, I didn't think much of the interaction during the moment or for a while thereafter. Then, as I was reading Leading with a Limp by Dan Allender, I came to a section on "strength and tenderness". I read "Many leaders are highly verbal, and they intimidate their community with the threat of contempt." I will finish this soon, my oldest is asking for me...Continued 12/22/08
I realized that in my arrogance I was trying to dominate verbally to cover up my weakness physically. Let me expound...Physically I am getting slower, not as agile and the speed (wasn't much to start with) is gone to say the least. Physically I am struggling to keep up, yet I still want to "safe face" with these younger guys, so I control the only thing I can grasp-loud and vocal. Public speaking is one of the greatest fears if not the greatest, and because I feel confident enough to make my opinion known I know that I can "control" a situation based on my words and take the focus off of my limitations.
Allender concludes that "True strength must be courageous enough to confess cowardice and tender enough to admit self-absorption." In spite of my limited physical prowess, the decision to control and dominate only pushed my weakness and insecurities to the forefront of the situation...I was loud but I was not proud. Father forgive me for my arrogance, self-absorption and feeble attempt to control that which I am in no condition to control!
