Loud and Not Proud...

Today I was playing soccer with a group of college guys and there were a few times where I made my opinions known in a rather loud manner. To be honest, I didn't think much of the interaction during the moment or for a while thereafter. Then, as I was reading Leading with a Limp by Dan Allender, I came to a section on "strength and tenderness". I read "Many leaders are highly verbal, and they intimidate their community with the threat of contempt." I will finish this soon, my oldest is asking for me...Continued 12/22/08

I realized that in my arrogance I was trying to dominate verbally to cover up my weakness physically. Let me expound...Physically I am getting slower, not as agile and the speed (wasn't much to start with) is gone to say the least. Physically I am struggling to keep up, yet I still want to "safe face" with these younger guys, so I control the only thing I can grasp-loud and vocal. Public speaking is one of the greatest fears if not the greatest, and because I feel confident enough to make my opinion known I know that I can "control" a situation based on my words and take the focus off of my limitations.

Allender concludes that "True strength must be courageous enough to confess cowardice and tender enough to admit self-absorption." In spite of my limited physical prowess, the decision to control and dominate only pushed my weakness and insecurities to the forefront of the situation...I was loud but I was not proud. Father forgive me for my arrogance, self-absorption and feeble attempt to control that which I am in no condition to control!

Small Steps...

When you realize that you are so small in the grand scheme of life and circumstances it is both humbling and fearful at the same time. You realize that there is so much going on in our cities, states, nations and around the world and you are just a small dot occupying space. It is overwhelming to the point of exhaustion, yet you press on, moving forward but don't always know why. There is an internal motivation that calls out to you in those moments and says to "keep on going, take one more step!" Why do we hear that voice, who is calling to us in those moments; when it seems that only ourselves can hear the questions being asked.

You realize that in spite of being so minute in a world that is so big, there is Someone calling you forward, calling you to take that next step, calling you move closer to Him. That Someone has to be greater than anything and all that is, otherwise partially would be the norm and no one would be seen for who/what they are truly worth. Who is this Someone, who is the One who pursues us even though we turn from Him in active rebellion. It is the God of the universe, the Creator of all that is and will ever be and He sent His Son Jesus to live in His creation. We all have a story to tell no matter how "small" we think we are, we all have a story that conveys to others that in spite of our finiteness we have value and the One who created us sees that value of who we are and is willing to sacrifice it all for us.